Heather, have you ever thought about a short-term course of anti-depressants?
I'm not trying to be flip, but I've been where you are, and they really helped me. I was on Paxil for about 9 months and it really got me through a terribly difficult time in my life. I had been having panic attacks and severe depressive episodes and the Paxil took the edge off. When you go through a traumatic event, your brain chemistry sometimes changes, and sometimes I think all you need is to correct it to get you back on the right track.
If you don't feel comfortable getting on medication...are you going to Naranon or Alanon meetings? If not, what is holding you back? I believe you would really benefit from meetings...you will find support, acceptance and love there. You need to focus on yourself, as you already know, and let things unfold as they will with your BF.
I wish you peace.