Thank you all, My posts are sometimes so long & I have carpal tunnel in my right hand so I don't always mention everyone who posts by name.
My SS came for breakfast this AM on his way home from work & it was really nice. You know I still haven't told my sons their dad called but I have let them know there has been contact. My AS I know would very much like to see him. My SS on the other hand doesn't really know him and as much as he'd like to he doesn't want my ex' & his family to have his phone number. My ex is not yet ready to speak to his sons anyway so there is time. It took all he had to call me & I am sure I told him things he is going to need time to handle. That being said I have decided what I must do. I believe my HP really knows what He is doing. After all these yrs my ex calls me. It got me thinking I loved him with everything that was in me, I gave this man my soul & that's where I made my mistake. I loved him & gave him 10 yrs before ending it. Well I have given my son 20 yrs & I cannot do it anymore. Pretend nothing is wrong & I am happy with him when my heart is breaking thinking about all the crap he just dumped on me. His actions have hurt alot more people than just me, they hurt my family, people I also love that love me back. I am not going to visit him, not now, not with the life style he has chosen to live, I just can't do it anymore. If I could end it with his father, I can end it with him & as you all helped me see it does not have to be forever, the choice is his. As long as he is doing the things he does don't call me or expect me to visit & make believe it doesn't bother me when you are telling me you may go to jail for 10 yrs & Well if he does so be it. By 40 you should know not to write bad checks.
I am glad I have finally made a decision. Now maybe I can have some peace & serenity in my life.
Thanks to everyone again for sharing.
Love & Prayers & Hugh Hugs To You All,
Diane