Dixied==I feel the same as you-I go over and over in my head sometimes wondering what I did wrong-til I make myself crazy! Logically I know I did all I could--I did the best I could.Plus more than most parents would do.I can see why that hurt you.Sometimes my son isn't close to me like he used to be(as a mother)he is in 7th month of recovery. I would love for someone to say to me just once--''wow you were a great mother'' don't know why I need that validation-because I know I was/am.
What gets me now is the damage control.All the hurt he left behind-all the friends I lost and he did as well-big changes-I hear other parents talk about their kids and I want to be happy for them-but I still cringe. I had hoped by now he would be married and have children-some kind of steady lifestyle.
In the end I always come to the same conclusion--I am happy he is sober and in recovery--I am happy he is ALIVE--this time last year I thought for sure I would be planning his funeral.He is alive--what more could I ask for?
I hope this makes sense to someone.