Originally Posted by
newenglandgirl 
Anyways, sweet Chero, yes, he senses your growth, and it makes him uncomfortable. He will most likely start to pull out the "big guns" now to try to put you back in your "place".
That's what happened to me, chero. My exAH was following me all over the house, or just staring at me with this pitiful look (that meant 'don't you know how much you are hurting me???' and 'why aren't you playing the game anymore???').
After we seperated, he started spinning in circles from one tactic to another. First he was begging, then promising, then using 'I'm just gonna do what God tells me to', then threatening, then running all over our church and to our grown children spreading malicious lies about me. Repeat above tactics......
I can't believe this is the man I used to love; that I had children with. He has done and said some of the most outrageously hurtful things in the last 9 weeks; things I never thought even he could do or say.
My point is-get ready for it to get worse if you really mean to detach from him (I don't mean neccessarily to leave him, just to stop letting your every thought and emotion revolve around him.) If he is anything like my ex, he can and will sense that you are not playing the game anymore and he will pull out all the stops to turn things back into what he wants them to be (which in my case was for me to be quiet, take care of everything, stay in my place, and let him do whatever he felt like doing whenever he felt like doing it with no regard for anyone else's feelings).
Take care of yourself and pray pray pray (I've seen you on the Christian boards). A book that helped me tremendously is 'Boundaries' by Cloud and Townsend. It backs up the need for us to set boundaries around our lives with scripture, and it opened my eyes to the deception of the 'submissive wife' syndrome. (I battled that for years-trying to reconcile my faith and what I had been taught about what a wife is to do with the harsh reality of my marriage.) I have a perfect peace about my decision this time, because I honestly believe that God loves ME enough not to expect me to stay in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. I know that I tried as hard as anyone could, and stayed longer then I probably should have, and that it is OK for me to take care of myself. It is not being selfish, it is being wise.
(((HUGS AND PRAYERS))))