not sure why I did it
Well I drank last night. Alcohol is not my DOC, that would be pot, but I know enough about this to know that I'm playing with fire when I drink. For some reason it just seemed like a good idea to have a few drinks last night. I didn't really get hammered, but I did get buzzed and that desire to "escape reality" just snuck up on me. I know I won't drink tonight, I almost never do two nights in a row, but I guess I really need the same comittment to this as I do for the pot.
For some reason I want to hold on to being able to "drink when I want to." Perhaps I have more of a problem with this than I want to admit to. I've always been able to go out and have a beer or two without closing the bar down, not that there haven't been times that I have closed it down. Social drinking has rarely been an issue with me. What is more of a problem is what I did last night. Drink by myself, just to get buzzed. That is just not good. I dont' know that I can seperate the two in my mind. I know that most people with substance abuse problems can't, and there is no reason to think that I am somehow "special" in that way.
So today I am going to re-commit. No pot, and no booze either. I don't need them. I may want them, but I need to learn that want's and needs are different. So that is where I am today. A bit of a slip, but maybe I've learned something from it. Trying to keep it honest. Thanks for listening.