Maybe with some practice you will feel strong enough to visit your son without risking your serenity...
Diane, I do think what BigSis said is the key. Try not to feel guilty about not having seen him at his new place yet...You know that it isn't about guilt it is about allowing him to make his own choices and learn what he needs to learn. It's also allowing you to not be sick because wanting to help is so physically and emotionally draining (and non-productive as well)
I do understand your pain as everyone who has repsonded so well to you does. This isn't easy, but I like how Marle said it to her daughter...she can not see her, but it doesn't mean she does not love her.
Hugs and prayers