he still doesn't care
Well, my lawyer called this afternoon to tell me that the processor found my AH and served him the divorce papers this morning. So, of course, I cried... and called him. He called me back and we chatted for awhile about the weather and so on, and then I asked if he was ok,
"Yes" he said, "I'm fine, I assume you're talking about the papers, yea, I got them, it's no big deal, it's not like it's a big surprise or anything, you told me they were coming... it doesn't matter to me either way. If this is what you want, if this is what your heart is telling you to do then that's it... I think you're making a mistake, but, whatever, I guess I'll spend Monday looking for a lawyer"
I was shaking! and I was speechless!!!... of course this is not what I want, this whole marriage has never lived up to what I've wanted!!!!... And do you know what I really wanted, a reaction, an EMOTION, some sort or opinion or something that showed he has a heart; anger, sadness, remorse, human connectivity!!!
ugh. No, this is not what my heart is telling me to do AT ALL, it's my logical brain pushing me forward... my heart is too tangled up with codependency and love...
He thinks I'm making a mistake!!! Is that blaming me??? ahhhh!!!
Where has my husband gone? Who is this cold shell of a man???
I am so upset and shocked, well not shocked, but disappointed... again...
I guess this is it, I need more from a soul mate, I need someome who cares, someone who cares deeply...
someone who needs me and loves me as much as I need and love them,
or maybe more!!! that would be amazing!
I need someone who would never let me go... ever.