Courage Here!
I can't thank everyone enough. It seems like I am the odd mad out in this house. I often think my 'recovering' husband is spineless and does nothing to help the boys recovery. i understand we can only work one program, and they appear closer to him - which sometime I think is becuase he doesn't challenge anyone to grow.
you are right - they need to move out of the house - 23 and 27; so time to move on - maybe if you have to pay bills somewhere there is less$ for other items. Often I feel like I should just go buy my own place, or move out for a while. I could use a break. And yet I feel guilty even thinking that. Have been attending meetings for 4 years and am just now starting to take a serious look at my own 4th step. Finding I thiught I had all my own answers - but it seems now the questions were old. I am growing and I am changing. In truth that scares me. I will have to face some of my own 'charachter defects' and hope that as I do a positive trait will bubble up from somewhere.
I know the 3 -C's, but the hardest thing for me to do - as a mom; is to see athletic academic all american's with degree's make these choices - deep down I don't think I get it. maybe I do and don't want to admit it. I wonder 'who took my perfect life? who took my white picket fence?'....and I wonder if when I answer I will have to say 'you took it from yourself - you let it go'.
My sponser told me I was an enabler - so I am readingup on that. She also tell's me to get down off my cross and do something constructive with my nails. I love that gal - she is loving and kind and gets in my face when I need it.
I look forward to my continued growth - and I thank you all for your courage - sharing you stories and sharing your pain and sharing HOPE and love. I am grateful.
The line below made me laugh...I needed that. Not only was it funny, it was true. My 'dragons' (the addicts / recovering addicts) do think i am crunchy...and they don't mind taking a bite out of me. So I will make it a point to engage them only at a safe distance. God Bless! You too remain in my prayers, along with those you love. I am finding there are some very healthy things one can do here on the internet - this is like 'online meetings' -
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.