veggiemom

Tonight I feel like I'm losing it. I have felt fairly strong for the past few weeks, but for some reason tonight I feel like I cant take anymore.

My AH has been living with his mom for about four weeks since I found out he was drinking again and finally said he couldn't be with us until he took some steps toward getting better. I really thought this would be his bottom--not being able to be with me and the kids---but instead, he's getting worse.

Today he called me and said he'd just come from his counseling appointment. It was news to me that he even had an appointment because he hadn't taken any steps whatsoever yet, but I found out that his brother's wife took him to a shrink she knew. When he told me this, I felt so jealous that MY husband didn't come to me and ask ME to go with him. (not jealous like I think there's something between them, just left-out- jealous I guess)I have always told him that I am here for him. We were best friends for so long.But now, when he finally wants to do something positive, he goes to her instead of me. (I know this is unhealthy thinking, but thats how I felt).

Later, I called to talk to him and his mom says (in her fakey sweet passive agressive tone) "he's sleeping honey." AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! I am his WIFE for God's sake...you'd think she'd at least let him know I was on the phone, but no, she's protecting her son from me. She, along with him, thinks I am the enemy, only thinking of me and not supporting her son. I am so frustrated. I know I can't control what she thinks and I need to let it go, but I am obsessing right now about the whole thing.

I believe "they" (his mom, two brothers, and sister-in-law) see me as "the b**** who kicked out poor Scott when he is so sick". And I know that his family is thriving on the drama of his/our situation, because thats what they do. In reality, they are alcoholics themselves who are in denial big time. I have a feeling they think I should be rallying around him with them and joining in the drama, but I don't want to!

My question, since I cant' seem to think like a rational person, is this: Should I be calling and talking with his family members to check up on him and see how he's doing? To show them that I really do care and am "with" them in taking care of him? I know that by not doing so, it is fuel to their fire and confirms their beliefs that I dont care about him(which I do, very, very much).

I REALLY want them to see that I am doing what I think is best for him. I want them to recognize that this is hard for me as well, and see that I am trying so hard to keep things together. I realize this may NEVER happen, and I really don't want to deal with them at all because I see them as so sick themselves and I cant' deal with anybody else's crazy twisted thinking when I'm trying to get my own head straight. But is it okay that I'm not going along with their game? Does it really mean I don't truly love him? I don't have a clue what normal, healthy behavior would be, on either side , so maybe someone out there can help? I dont even know if its clear what Im saying here. I am CONFUSED and unsure and not at a point yet where I trust myself. Will I ever be? HELP me please. I am going crazy!!!:help