Originally Posted by
teke 
well cinder i saw that one and i forgot to tell you that when i feel that way, the next thought will be to ask myself what about him do i miss. your ah is not like mine, i don't remember a lot to miss. there have been more down times than ups. maybe when you get there, it time to ask yourself whether or not you think things would be different this time, if you opened that door or are you ready to start all over again before you know that he is working a plan of recovery.
i think as much as we try to protect our kids from the effects of addiction, they are still being effected and began to take on that codie trait at a young age. instead of them looking to us for protection, they began to think that its their job to protect us. sad to say but kids seem to understand so much more than we sometimes want to admit to. i love my kids too, just having them has brought me through so many hard times, i think god has used them in some ways as a beacon of strength to keep me pushing onward.
did i make sense and is that better?
I miss the hugs and affection. When clean and not angry he truly was my best friend. But no I dont want to go back to what it was. I talked to MIL and feel a little better now. She was like whatever you do, dont think him not crying and begging means he doesnt love you, it is no reflection on you. I know that but its good to hear at times anyway. We figure either they found someone else to party with or they are working trying to pick themselves up. She thinks I may hear from them promising $$ again later, but doesnt really expect me to see it yet.