in alanon we have a blueprints for progress book as part of step 4 that focuses on many traits in our personal inventory. one such topic is RESENTMENT that helps a lot. for me,basicallly, listing the things,people and places i still feel hurt and angry about, still feel victimised by it, listing it is the first part. awareness, acceptance, action. daily prayer, but also daily reflection, focusing on choosing what would be a loving thought, a loving feeling, how is this thought helping me, DOES IT FEEL GOOD to feel this way or just help me deny and stuff away pain that something hurtful happened to me. i found a lot of resentment for me came out of a sense of indignance, a feeling of injustice. sometimes suffering and unfairness happens but as king jareth says to sarah in the movie LABYRYNTH when she says "Its not fair" he replies, "i wonder what your basis of comparison is".....in any case, resentment is the poison i take hoping another will die and only i suffer from my own inner smouldering indignation. i think anger is a necessary part of healing and comes up now and again. but its about seeing me as a victim, it holds on to the injustice but also disempowers the self as you are still waiting on something outside of yourself to make you feel at peace. acceptance is the key and to learn from the experiences "bad" or "good" in our life to make us richer beings, closer to a full whole person. this is for me.
