Amazing, this sounds exactly like my marriage. I am separated and in the divorce process with my addict husband. He keeps saying that the breakdown of our marriage is not all his fault and that I have control issues.
I used to be passive as well, but because of his addiction...I had to take control of everything (house, children, doctor appt., money, etc.) to keep our family from falling apart. Because of his lack of support, I overcompensated and controlled.
Before I realized his addiction, he and I spent 2 years in marriage counseling, marriage encounter weekends, etc. I found my faults, admitted to them, and have been continuing to work on them. The funny thing is, the faults had nothing to do with the breakdown of our marriage...it was his addiction that caused the fall.
To begin with, his addiction put a wall up between us that kept us from growing in our marriage. It would take him breaking that wall down and going into recovery for a long time before we could even begin to work on our marriage. Unfortunately, he does not want that...so divorce is where we are!