Here's something I learned from some parenting counseling I once received on self-esteem. Maybe it translates some what to this situation if you focus on the "need to control" aspect.
A very young enthusiastic child wants to help w/ dinner and offers to carry her very heavy and awkward plate full of spaghetti to her place at the dinner table, do you?
A) Worry so much that the child will drop the plate because the plate is too big for her to handle and insist that you do it for her?
The cost of that response is the childs self-esteem.
B) Allow her to, realizing that it might very well get dropped and make a big mess.
The WORST CASE cost of that response is you and the child clean it up together, but probably won’t have to. And if you did, it would only take a minute of your time, and your childs self-esteem is spared.