This is so familiar ! In my situation it was very gradual but the more & more he drank the more & more I couldnt depend on him so I stopped . I did everything on my own . Took care of the kids , signed them up for activitys without consulting with him , at every family party I fixed our kids plates and I said when it was time to leave ( on the occassions that he did go with us , the kids & I usually left him there )
I voiced this to my husband myself when he was in his last week of rehab . I told him the reason for the separation was so that we could both heal , that there was no way I could just, at the snap of a finger, give up some of the control that I have . I was going to have to learn how to depend on him and trust him to do things (like pay the bills and drive the kids to activitys) and it would take time . He has been in rehab before and was always quick to bring up all the things that were wrong with me . It took until this last time that he realizes he needs to worry about his recovery and I need to worry about mine .
I think you are doing great . It was adviced to us to hold off on marriage counseling for at least 3 - 6 months and during that time do our own individual counseling instead . I think we will all (you & your A .. & me & mine) will have a lot more to offer when he have a better view of ourselves and it can only help our chances of staying together.
(())S