Hi sugarpup, I hear and feel your pain. I would just like to share one thing
with you regarding what you said about his numbness and attitude.
Here: quote SP: "He still has no emotions, he is not sad, or mad or eager to get back together, he just says, "ok, I'm sober now, get over it".... and I can't. I would open the door for him in a second, if just once, in all of these months, he came over, or called, with love in his heart, I keep thinking that any man who realizes what a mess he was, and what a mess he's made of his marriage, and how much he has hurt his wife would do ANYTHING and go to any extreme to win her back... but he hasn't done anything, really, he's done nothing but shrug his shoulders and tell me he doesn't know what to say... ugh.end quote
I am a recovering alcoholic, and reading this reminded me of myself about 4 years ago when I would look at my S/O and say similarly the same things, like:
I'm not drinking, can we move on: shrug my head and say get over it I did, one problem. when I was saying things like this, and was cold, I was still drinking and
didn't own up to my problems yet...Reading what you wrote reminds me of those times, and now this time, I really went into recovery and my S/O can tell the difference, I'm having trouble putting this into words, but what I'm really trying to say, is it doesn't sound like he is in recovery, (weather sober or not) or trying to tackle his inner self that led him to this point in his life.
You sound like a very warm and caring person, and I hope you can find it in yourself to give all that care and understanding you've been giving him all these years to you now. Sounds like you would appreciate it more...
I wish you well, take care, hope3