...."I can bet my postings have sobered some up and kept others sober that were walking on the edge....."
Im going to say something that may not be well recieved but this is the truth for my experience..i found this site roughly 3/4years ago. I had not been to AA yet but was starting to research my problem (drinking) on my own. Books. internet..sites like this.
In retrospect my opinions and assumptions were fairly dysfunctional...but they had their place as it is how I felt "then". When i found this site, at first, I thought it was good since I related to so many posts but to Homer's point he has helped some people...for me it was the opposite.
I was still drinking...looking for hope. Looking for SUCCESS I could believe in. Not emotional, chat room soap opera.
Homer wasn't the reason for my drinking but one of them for not coming back to this site for awhile. I remember your posts...whining, all over the place, pathetic. I found it depressing where you all pat him on the back (like you are doing now)...each and every time he fell and came back...on and on. Now, Homer, I am not trying to beat you up but just acknowledging how you came across to me (a newcomer who was at the time still drinking...) didn't help me in the least. I thought this was hopeless. And you confirmed this. This site was bascially an avenue for co-dependent people with serious issues beyond alchohol to gain comfort through rantings that did absolutely no help but get them recognized for a few minutes. I saw no growth, no tools to get better, no stability...just emotional high fives when a day or two was gained..and another high five when you fell. ...?? The result - nothing.
Anyway, it was only through time with much more drinking on my own and many more emotional bottoms for me to experience (if I had not had enough to begin with)..., I almost lost my faith in God (which I later discovered by confusing my limits to His)....I re-found my faith and gave my desire and willingness over to God.
Now, I can look /hear at new people and be strengthened to some degree of where I don't want to be again..however there is a fine line.
Just like with the steps..no one can get you through them but God and you, so is that next drink. But you have to admit you are powerless, believe in a power greater than YOU and OTHERS...other people cannot and will not (it is impossible) live your recovery for you....and give it to God. Your mind and your actions. How? Trust God, go to meetings for guidance (STRONGLY RECOMMEND) take suggestions, surround yourself with getting your butt out of your house (isolation for me was a large part of the problem). Trust me, this really is so simple and uncomfortable to do at first..but the meetings will eventually get you. Keep going. It will get better and you will find sobriety.
Now I am 4.5 months sober..still new but here to tell you Homer, seeking sympothy on the internet is not what you need. You will be here another 3/4 years if that is all you are after. You will realize drinking is a symptom...relationships, isolation, co-dependency, low self esteem, anger (jelousy of others that do get it) are all behind it but ALL CUREABLE. You have to believe that and want it. I don't know how to make it any clearer than that.
If you choose to read this drunk (again) your mouth back to me will not deter my sobriety in any way but will yours. I believe attitude, anger make your reasons for staying in your pit more desireable than sobriety. You see, what you think of me is none of my business.. and that attitude can eventually help you too if you choose to help yourself.
I belive Loving others is not an emotional ("never having to say your sorry" BS)...it is absolutely acknowledging your accountabilitty to God, a step in humility and acknowleding and taking ownership for your actions/behavior/mindset . In doing that you will find yourself (basically it is true, you find yourself by losing it...losing it to God)...that is all you have to do. It is that simple.
There are worse things to pains of sobriety,....the way you are living now is one. Face the good pain Homer and get off the pity party ride...as I said before...."there is no use to choosing to lie down when it is impossible to stand up..." It can get worse if you continue to do what you are doing. And....it can only get better if you choose to change.