Hi Gang,
I had one of those moments of clarity this week that I want to share. I do freelance work so every job I do is different, for a different client. Normally I am pretty much of a nervous wreck, always second-guessing myself and generally making myself nuts. I have been called obsessive more than once.
Anyhow, I just did the biggest job of my career..........and I did not feel the usual anxiety. I told myself, "Maybe I'm just too tired to be nervous" but as the job progressed I was actually surprised by how good I felt....how confident....how well prepared.
It finally dawned on me that since the XAH has been gone, my whole life is not about being a failure anymore. I always knew in my head that I was not to blame for his addiction, but my heart was a lot harder to convince. This job showed me just how serene I had actually become in the last 8 months. I felt like a success for the first time in years. I think my heart is actually catching up to my head.
When I divorced my XAH, I went through months of wondering if I had done the right thing. I think this job finally convinced me that I did. Not living with addiction has been SO freeing! I am free to feel good, to feel confident, to feel proud, to feel like a success. Woo-hoo!
I just never realized how many things in my life would change when I changed the one big thing.....living with addiction. Wow, the insights just keep on coming!!
I love you guys,
Babs