I just wanted to thank everyone for their posts. I respect everyone's opinion and really value the perspectives. I probably used the wrong word for the title of my post when I wrote "debate." I don't want to stir things up. I am a newbie and just like Sunflower wrote, I am trying to be very open minded to new treatments and trying to educate myself so that I can make the right decision for my young daughter and I.
Many of you have been at the same spot I am at. I am just trying to make sense of everything. How my AH, who is so brilliant, great job, great family and friends, beautiful home, generous, sensitive, caring, loving, creative, could get to this spot.
I struggle with detaching b/c I do love him and care about him, but now realize I cannot fix him. Yet, it makes it hard when my three-year old runs to him like he's a hero in the 1/2 hour he might see her each day. He has done nothing violent, so it is not fair for me to cut off all contact, even though I have made the decision to move out with her to a rental townhome.
On a separate note, anyone see the Oprah special on Addiction where they did the brain scan of the addict and showed how it was different from a non-addict's brain? It is pretty powerful stuff. It opened up my thinking about addiction.
It doesn't make it okay (or easier) to accept the behaviors and I completely understand when many of you have said you don't care what it's called, you just know you needed to put boundaries up against the lies, deception, abuse -- regardless of whether they have a "disease." You know, I might come to that conclusion too. But, right now, I am just trying to come to my own conclusions, just as each one of you has had to do given your unique situation. And, I thank each and every one of you for your insights as I work through this -- you are helping me to make the right choices (as I struggle through anger/resentment) on a path towards personal recovery.
TroubledNC