Thank you all....
Well, I went to the hospital, and we sat down together. I asked a mental health worker to sit with us as I told him. And I said I had some bad news to tell him.
He thought his grandmother had died.
And I told him that Matt had died of an overdose.
He was in total shock, at first. He blanched. He swore. Put his head in his hand.
He asked if I was going to say something bad about Matt, not to. I assured him I was ONLY there for his support. Trevor knew I didn't like his friend. He said that Matt was his only friend... That may be true today; it wasn't always...not before Matt gave him the dope...
But, he did feel faint. And then, he vomited. Repeatedly. The nurse got him a seroquel, to calm him down. I stayed and talked to him while he calmed down. Then, I went to services. I came back afterwards with some lunch for us. And we talked some more. He had a nap while I was gone and was doing much better.
I just got home from my mom's. I called him, and he said everyone was giving him their condolences, and that he had lots of support. For that, I'm very greatful too.
He told me Matt got off the Methadone about a year ago. He was happy that he could get high again. :>(
Some of you may remember, that, @ two years ago, when Matt was on methadone, he was playing with doses so he could take some heroin. He almost died then. Trevor never wrote much here on SR, but, I believe he did write about that incident. Neither of them learned from that incident. But, I pray Trevor learns now...He may not get another chance again.
He told me that this "run" was different from all the others. He said that he didn't even recognize himself. He went four days straight, robbing people, stores and getting high. What addicts do....
The discharge plan he made with his doctor is a joke. It is not a viable plan and they both are pretending it is.
He's got a month's free methadone, then, has to start paying for it himself. This means, he has to get to the clinic each and every morning again. ANd make enough money to pay $100 a week for it, and whatever living expenses he has -- rent, food, etc... He can't get a job at a corner mart with minimum wage, for crying out loud!
Now, here's the best part. The psychiatric doc told Trevor he didn't want to treat him for his bipolar condition!!!!! He's been in the mental hospital for a week, and they've not TOUCHED his mental condition! The doc told my son that he wouldn't be able to function with the methadone and the resperidol, (for mood stabilization), so he wouldn't be able to get a job to pay for the methadone! OMG! This is a very, very sick joke!
This is a plan to get Trevor back in jail, or worse, to join his friend Matt. It is bound to fail, as it has failed EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I'm heartsick....
Finally, when I spoke to Trevor tonight, he asked me if I had a life insurance policy on him. He asked me to get one, saying, "Things happen."
I simply told him that G*D could have taken him, just as well as Matt, but, didn't.
That G*D had a plan for him, and he has to be around for it.
And that I hoped to G*D that he would begin to see the worth he has, and the talents he has and the gifts he could bring to this world.
And I told him I loved him....
It is true I didn't know the person behind the addict that was Matt. And I'm sorry I didn't. But, I've struggled with the knowledge of what he did to my family for a dozen years. Most of the time, it's a non-issue. But, when it comes up, it is still a struggle.
I wish I could report that I had or have forgiven him.
I wish I could. I cannot.
Maybe one day...
Thank you all again for your support.
Shalom!