whymyfamily

This story is long, very long, but it illustrates the beginning to the end in detail. Please read on. All events depicted here are true and relevent to the illness we call addiciton. I hope this thread helps 1000s and 1000s of people out there who have lost a loved one or are away from a loved one.

Slipping Into Darkness!

I, Helen, was 29. He, "B", was 40. We met almost 2 years ago when I was living in Mexico. We fell inlove deeply and fast. I, being from the United States, was still unexposed to a lot of life lessons. He being a Mexican national had been exposed to everything including Heroin use.

In Tijuana heroin is cheap to buy and needles are not illegal to purchase or have on your person if searched by the police. In a dollar store you can purchase needles a pack of 20 for $1.00 US Dollar.

Upon entering into the relationship he was very honest and open. He explained from the jump that he had battled a heroin addiction and won. He had been clean for the last 10 years. I was very open in explaining to him that I had experimented with many drugs in the past, but heroin, alcohol and cocaine were not on the list. I also explained that I was currently under treatment for depression and used Ativan. Ativan is an anxiety drug. Sadly, I was taking them like M&Ms.

He would ask for a pill from time to time throughout the relationship and I would give him one depending on how high the stress level was. I didn't see a problem. I didn't feel like I was helping him slip back into relapse. I thought I was helping him. They were prescribed by a doctor! Huh. Doctors are legal drug pushers!

I went into the hospital and had plastic surgery. This was a 3 day stay in the hospital that turned into a 30 day stay. I had complications and contracted a bacterial infection that almost killed me. "B" was there night and day for me. He and my hired nanny cared for my 3 year old. He fell into depression. He was worried that I was going to die. He admitted to me that once in awhile he would drink a few beers to make the pain go away. He said he wanted to relax because he was crying all of the time. I didn't think anything of it.

Once released, I was released to, not the loving and caring "B", but a very angry and disappointed "B". He was angry with me and I didn't understand why. He couldn't even say, "I love you." I didn't understand what was happening. I figured he was angry because I had a procedure done that I didn't really need, I was running out of money because of the complications, and he had told me that I was beautiful the way I was before. Not to mention the SCAR it left on my stomach. He was, truly, not the same man I said goodbye to before the surgery.

Because of the 4 inch hole I had in my stomach I had to cross the border and check into a United States hospital where I learned of the wound infection I had and how the doctors in Mexico were covering it up. I also learned that there was no legal action I could take. I just thanked God I was alive and learned how to treat and pack the wound on my own. I returned to Mexico and walked across the border, bent over, with a hole in my stomach. I grabbed the first taxi I could find, because walking was almost impossible.

When I returned home, I found my little girl in the house alone. She was planted infront of the television. Happy to see me, though. "B" was not to be found in the home and the Nanny was in the guest house in the back. I noticed my home had an unclean stench and had not been being kept up. I questioned the Nanny. She informed me that "B" had been keeping long, odd, hours, my daughter had been living with her, and basically her services of a "Nanny" had been terminated! I was paying $140.00 a week for full services and "B" had cut her out of the plan and hired her daughters as babysitters for only $15.00 per day. I later found out that he was going to put my daughter with a friend that agreed to watch her for free. Now, I am pissed! Though, still not thinking HEROIN! I was thinking MISTRESS.

When I started questioning "B" I was told I was crazy. Still not questioning about HEROIN. I only questioned about the house, the hours, my little girl being alone, and the MISTRESS! He was angry. He couldn't believe that after all he had done for me while I was sick in the home and in the hospital I had the balls to question his actions. Within 4 days things had not improved and I had no answers. I didn't hear, "I love you." I got very angry and screamed at him that I wanted him out! He, within minutes, packed a few things and left.

Off to the doctor I went for more ATIVAN. I would need it to get through this break up. There were too many unanswered questions and I felt like I was the one to blame and I made everyone leave me, so I needed a FIX. It was the natural thing to do! It was what I knew how to do. Medicate. It was a prescription. Only a prescription.

After a few pills I rehired my Nanny and went on an 8 day vacation with my daughter to my moms house. The Nanny cared for my home while I was on vacation and got it back together. Smelling better, too!

I would see "B" from time to time at his job, because he worked in the border line selling items to people waiting in their cars to cross to the United States. I would try to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk to me. He just wanted to be in the line making that money. He had an addiction to love and money, sex and drugs, and anything that made him feel good.

I had started healing and the staples from the sides of my wound had been removed. I was starting to see the wound close, but it took 4 months total to see my stomach fully closed. I was able to stand upright again and one day I noticed I had dropped about 60 lbs. I never noticed before, because I was sick and things were crazy, but while being in the hospital, I lost 60 lbs. Well, this meant time for new clothes, make up, eye lashes, contacts and a new boyfriend.

I returned to my home in Mexico and took my daughter shopping. It took me about a week and I transformed myself into a DIVA. I couldn't believe how I looked. I even bought an exercise bike and worked out twice a day. I walked in the morning on the beach and used my bike at night before going to shower and to bed. I looked wonderful and everyone noticed.

One day, while sitting on the couch and crying over my love loss, I heard a knock on the door. It was my ex's ex-sister-in-law. She was from the United States, but lived in a low income colonia in Mexico. She needed a ride to the United States and I needed to get out of the house. After that we started hanging out and talking mess about her old ex and my old ex and before I knew it I was dating one of the construction workers that was remodeling her home.

Within 2 weeks I became addicted to crystal meth. Now very thin, I was happy, but sad. I only dated this guy, the construction worker, because he could get crystal for free and it took away the depression better than the ATIVAN. I was sad because he wasn't "B" and my fun was coming to an end, because it was about sex and crystal meth not about love or my daughter.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked at my daughter and I decided to stop the crystal and the relationship with this guy and it was really easy to do. I only used for two weeks. I realized nothing was being solved. Problem over!

Found out that "B" was asking about me and I went looking for him. I found him and he saw me. It was like all of the anger and deception never happened. My little girl was happy to see him and so was I. He looked good and so did I. We kissed and within 2 months were living together again. I moved, so there would be no hard feelings between he and my landlord and the Nanny. I chose "B". I never spoke to my landlord or the Nanny again.