I'm sorry chero. I remember when you posted that your husband had not drank in 10days and I responded that mine also had been sober for exactly 10 days, and that the 10th day was actually his LAST day of sobriety. It's been none-stop since.
"I just wish he'd leave first. What makes me feel that way?? Why can't I just go if I want to go..."
I said the same EXACT thing to a therapist during a family counseling session when my husband was in his last inpatient rehab about 6 weeks ago. And she said "Exactly". Maybe we'd feel less guilt if they left us. I don't know. I think it says something about how we feel about ourselves and what we are willing to expose ourselves to. Over the years, we become desensitized to the insanity and lose touch with ourselves, our needs and our own self-worth. I know I have not been perfect in our marriage or the handling of his alcoholism. I guess I have come to feel that I don't deserve much better. Who else would put up with MY flaws/mistakes?
The answer to the question is simple. You're just not ready yet. If his drinking continues, I'm sure you'll do what is best for you, when you're ready.