Trying to walk tall.
I guess to understand what I need help with, I'll have to give a little history lesson on Shawn.
From the age 12 to about 16 I was one bad kid. Drugs, Alcohol, brake and enter, shoplifting was an everyday thing for me, I was a parents worst nightmare. I was living a story that doesn't have a happy ending, until I forced myself to change. It took me dropping out of school and cutting ties with every friend that influenced me to change. It was hard to do, and it took a lot out of me, but it was something I felt needed to be done.
now at 23 my world is starting to come apart around me, trying to walk tall and keep my head up is starting to really take it's toll. My girlfriend of 6 years has been the only one to stick behind me, and in ways she saved me from what could have been.
Now I fear that my girlfriend will turn to alcohol like the rest of her family. I know they feed it to her and she doesn't tell me, She has told me she's went to bars with her friends behind my back when I was at home in bed. She even was dealing with a hangover and cancelled going with me to see my dieing grandfather on christmas day (He died before she had a chance to say goodbye)
I'm scared that the next step in life will bring back my child hood and pain from the past. My father was abandoned when he was born because of alcohol (His father died on the streets of Toronto because of booze) I don't want to see my kid's have to go through this and I don't want to live like this, and she does nothing to reinsure this wont happen. I can count up to 20 people on her family tree that abuse alcohol starting at the age of 16 and it scares that crap out of me to think she's the only one who doesn't.
I have been fighting this for a long time now, and i'm getting tired. I don't have anyone to goto, I don't have friends anymore, because of my past the only one I have is her. I feel scared and lonely and stupid as it sounds.
I know I need help, but there is nothing in my community. going at it alone is hard in this world.
anyways thanks for letting me rant on, and please don't view this as a "oh poor me" just talking to myself in the mirror every day isn't helping anymore. The members on this message board are an inspiration to change!