andshewas: Yes, when she visits, we generally do see her in limited doses. That's about all I can handle.
I'm not sure about telling her that the boundary applies to everyone would work. It wouldn't be true. I have only started to apply it to the alcoholics in my life. I just set boundaries about drinking/being intoxicated around me and the kids with my husband. I have several friends and relatives who are not alcoholics, but drink socially, and I have no problem with them drinking around me.
You have a good point, BigSis. None of the A's in my life are going to "give me permission" to set my boundaries with them, and I think on some level, I have been seeking that permission anyway. I have a hard time sticking up for myself, especially with my mother. She is a master at guilt and manipulation, and since she is my mother, she knows how to push my buttons.
And yes, it is definitely her loss. If she wants to drink, and not get help for her mental health problems, she will not get to see her grandchildren anymore. I have cut her out of my life before, and sadly, I think I may have to do it again.
I am going to counseling this afternoon, and I think I will talk to my counselor about this. She has been really good at helping me with boundary issues in the past, maybe together we can work out a plan.