Elana, way to go with that stump
HK, keep trying. I know it's hard. I like Ann's suggestion to consider writing down a next-time plan.
Like I wrote in my last post yesterday, we can only keep trying, and try to make small advances. Is there one small thing you can do today to help you regain your self-respect? Even if it's just "I will only allow myself to try to call him once every three hours."
Good luck with this. I think you've mentioned you have a therapist -- if you have a way to make an appointment NOW, I think you're at a crucial place in your recovery, possibly heading into some dark and murky waters, and I think that would be pretty darned helpful.
Take care
GL