I feel you mama.... I have had many late night emails, outings, and phone calls I wish I could erase not only from my memory, though from others. When I drink... I drink... a 12 pack easy... I am a different person, though who isn't.
I have wasted years being wasted and staying in bed the next day feeling the guilt of my actions, only to repeat again the next night.
I am sure we could all write a book on the things that we have done.... I am searching for self love and trying to forgive myself....
Keep posting... I am in your boat....new to it all