lobo I completely understand what you are saying--sometimes it feels like I am at a perpetual funeral!!!!! It hit me too just like you a while ago--I MISS HIM--that little boy and young man who I was always so close to--I lost him-I lost him and he is never coming back......he is sober now at 27--but when you start abusing at an early age--how normal can you expect them to be?
All I ever wanted was for my son to be happy in life no matter what path he chose. I never expected that when he was 14 I would be out driving around town tying to find him--or that I would be visiting him in rehabs-detox units and psych wards.My beautiful son--the only thing in life that was mine-that I loved-would raise his hand to me and beat me.
Every once in a while I see him still--that old part of him I mean-it comes through.Don't get me wrong I am sooooo happy he is sober but I feel after all he has been through he is damaged and will never have a 'normal 'life'.It just tears me up...crying now have to stop writing...