a question about my mother
My mother lives across the country from me. She was actively drinking for about 25 years, and got sober in '04.
The problem is, she still has a lot of the same behaviors she had when drinking, and honestly, I am not convinced she is sober anymore.
She has plans to fly out and visit me and the kids in the next couple of months, but if she is still drinking, I don't want to see her.
I have been in the process of setting boundaries with my A husband. I just told him no more drinking around me, or at home, and no coming home under the influence. I want to set the same boundaries with her, but it is tricky, because she is/was a sneaky drinker, and very closed-off. I would never dare mention her drinking for fear of her wrath.
I see that I have a few options: 1) Ask her if she is drinking, and possibly get in a horrible confrontation. Plus she may not even tell the truth. 2) Ask someone she knows who recently went out to visit her, and who I know would tell me the truth 3) Or... not bother with whether or not she is drinking, and just set boundaries based on her behavior, which is atrocious at times.
What do you all think?