You are exactly like me. I ask for advice & then do what I want to do. I'm NOT saying that is a bad thing. But I guess we shouldn't ask for advice once we already know what we are going to do. I made a "bad" decision in January, but ultimately, I know why it happened. (Called ex...discovered he is still using...) If it were me, I know I'd be willing to give him another chance. Which is why we probably said NOT to do it. Now you have a lot to think about. How long has he been clean? Is he working a program? And all the other reasons you are NOT living together. (Sorry, I can't remember your whole story).
And if you didn't want contact, you have just opened the door. I know it is VERY hard to deal with the fact that perhaps our hopes, our dreams & the man we promised to spend a lifetime with, is not there anymore. And I think deep inside, we hope that "someday they get it".
I've know my ex since he was 11 (about 31 years now). And there are times that deep inside I hope that someday he calls me up & tells me he has a year clean & sober, he's working a program & he wants another chance. Then I can make a decision.
By the way, I knew he'd give you the answer he did about the boys. I got the same one from my 1st husband after we were separated & I had problems with my two children.
Lynne