dixied

friends,

I asked previously for advice on an upcoming meeting with my AS who is finishing up a six month rehab. I thought some of you might like a short recap........my dh and I went last Sunday. We had called in advance (a six hour drive) to make sure the director would be there if any mediation was needed. I have only seen my son once in six months so this was the second visit. He looked tan and healthy as this is a hard working boot camp, which practices the 12 steps. It is a self sufficient farm and everyone pulls their own weight. My son has worked with a surveyor, and a beekkeeper, he also worked on a blueberry farm..........so he has not experienced the County Club rehab life. We went down that road a year ago and got no results.........so , I digress.........pardon me..... once the meeting began the director told my son if he stole anything from dh's office, farm or warehouse he would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Son said he understood that. We told him that I had control over his trust fund to pay for things regarding his family's needs. He was also told once this was gone that was it. He has always said he would willingly look for work but dh and I felt that it might keep the tension down with the wife if she knew they would not be behind on bills while he sought work. We told him at the first sign of relapse we would definitely tell his wife whether it meant his marriage or not. We would no longer hide anything. She, in return, is going to tell us if she sees anything amiss. Before he divided us and the wife. Now he knows strong communication is in effect. We asked about random drug testing. The director said, what for? You'll know before long that he is not clean. I guess our response was that he hid it so well before. Anyway, that is off the table for now. We also informed him we will be going to Al-Anon.
He , in turn, already has an AA sponsor. He did apologize to us for the first time ever, which we could not believe our ears.
So.......we go to get him Thursday. Our plan is to talk to him with his wife present once we get home. We do not plan to call them but give them their space to work on things. However, I have solicited a promise from the wife that she will email me every three days. I asked this ofher because when he went on his binge and almost died no one called me......not even her. She emailed a mutual friend and he emailed me. That is how I found out and for some time it caused a strain between us.....so that is why I requested this consideration. Well........that's what is happening in my neck of the woods......... any thoughts?.dixie