Hey there Troubled. I know what you mean by feeling like you're living someone else's life...I remember clearly when I started realizing how out of control and terrible our lives had become, and feeling so terrified to face the sad truth that I would be better off without my AH. It is so scary! Without a child it is terrifying...and with one (or more), It must be even more so. I am glad you have found SR. This is such a wonderful place to learn and find support. Please keep posting and reading.
It is not easy, but slowly you will make the necessary steps towards the kind of life you and your child deserve. None of it is fair. Addiction is not fair and will destroy all in its path. Don't worry - you will find the strength, and you will do what you have to.
hugs, neg.