May the alcoholic speak on this from the other side of the fence?
(HeeHe I will any how) LOL
Okay first I will tell you what my #1 priority in life was when I was drinking.... drinking!! Alcohol was my first love, it was always there for me when ever I wanted it, it never argued with me, it never told me I was wrong for drinking or being drunk, it never critisized me!
When I was in my final years of drinking I slowly stopped doing anything I used to do just for me or with my family, my world revolved around drinking and being pleased sexually, and to be honest if I did not get it at home I was going elsewhere, but the alcohol still came first! Every thing else was insignifigant except alcohol.
It was all about me and drinking, I lied and I manipulated who ever I needed to lie or manipulate for booze! My family did with out when it came down to a choice of buying milk or more beer! Alcohol was my one and only true love. Oh sure I told my wife and kids I loved them, because I needed them in the picture to help take care of things.
If some one who I needed in my life to allow me to drink started to threaten me in a manner that may lead to me not being able to drink I would cry, beg, lie, promise, say I loved them, I needed them..... what ever I needed to say or do to keep them enabling me to drink and not have to face the consequences of my drinking.
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The best thing a spouse, lover, or family member can do for an alcoholic is to let the alcoholic fall on thier on sword, to lie in thier own filth.
I stopped drinking when I saw that my entire support system was going to collapse all at once! I was going to have to do everything for myself with out the help of anyone!
I was going to have to pay my own bills, I was going to have to wash my own clothes, I was going to be alone with no one to call on to help me. I was going to have to buy my own food. If I wrecked my truck I had no one to call to help me, if I lost my job there was nothing to do but live in my truck.
I had to face reality, at the point where I knew I had to deal with life and every thing it threw at me alone, I knew I had 2 choices to make:
1. Keep on drinking and lose everything and simply drink my self to death.
2. Stop drinking and learn how to face reality.
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The entire family of the alcoholic needs to simply leave or throw out the alcoholic, if you still love them then let them know that, but tell them that you are not going to watch them die or help them die! Tell them the only thing you will do for them is take them to detox/rehab. If you loan or give them a dime for something to eat they will buy alcohol with it. If you give them something they will sell it to get alcohol.
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The families and friends of alcoholics need to watch out for their selfs and not help the alcoholic in any way, because the more you help them they longer they will drink, the sicker they will get, the more damage they will do to thier brain and organs.
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As long as an alcoholic thinks there is a chance of getting any kind of help from anyone, the longer they will drink. If the alcoholic has dirty nasty clothes and is living in his own filth the worst thing any one can do is give him a bath and clean clothes.
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Unless the alcoholic ask you to take them to detox/rehab the best thing you can do for him is ignore him.
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I am an alcoholic, I did not want to stop drinking until I saw there was absolutely nothing left for me to do but stop or die!
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What did I have to do to stop drinking and stay stopped?
I had to find a new love..... Sobriety! Sobriety is now my number one priority, if I make anyone or anything a higher priority then my sobriety I will drink again and lose it all!
My second love is now myself, because if I do not love myslef I can not love any one else, I can not love myself if I am drinking, as a result my sobriety is my #1 priority/love.
I have to thank my HP whom I chose to call God for all of my loves because with out my HP I could never have stopped drinking or learned to love myself.
As a result of the above now I truly love people, I love my wife and children, I no longer lie, decieve, or manipulate them or others.
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I guess in a nut shell what I am saying is if you love an alcoholic and they are still drinking the best thing you can do for them is to stop helping them in any way, shape, form, or fashion.
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If you do love an alcoholic to keep the alcoholic from destroying you and your children if they are entangled in the alcoholics disease you need to do as I did to get sober with one minor difference, instead of making sobriety your #1 priority, you need to make yourself your #1 priority and learn to love your self and not depend upon the alcoholic for love or trying to save the alcoholic from himself as your purpose in life.
The only person that can get an alcoholic sober and to stay sober is the alcoholic them selfs, not you.