I have read a lot by Beatie- I think Co-Dependent No More was the most helpfull of her books- very to the point and well-organised.
The things which have helped me most so far are my dialectical materialist view (ie, there are objective forces over which I have no control. His drinking is one of them.), and reviewing books (because then I know there are things over which I do have control- my writing, for one.)
Of late I have been feeling very impatient and have been becoming distant. We are going to a marriage counsellor, and this (relapse and distance) situation has come up, and will again today. I have trust issues. While I want to work them out, I am beggining to think that choosing someone trust-worthy might be a big part of this whole thing and I wonder if I have made a terrible mistake.
My big (BIG) fear is that my son will have the kind of childhood I did. It was very bad, encompassing all kinds of abuse from emotional to sexual. While I don't think my husband would physically or sexually abuse my son (or I'd be gone), I worry that his drinking and my distance will model an unfortunate "norm" for him. (He's 3 and a half and advanced, according to professionals.)
There are good periods, of course, some very very good, but for me, there's the fear that there will be another relapse, more distance, and etc.
This last time there was not just alchohol, but also cocaine. Which indicates a deepening of the problem. The good news is that he "enjoyed" (or at least felt comfortable) at the SMART meeting. The bad news is that I still can barely talk to him. I am so very angry. I also feel that I am entitled (if you will) to my anger. This is not fair, and (yes, yes, I know LIFE is not fair, but so? Does that mean that we should not work toward fairness? I think we should) it makes me angry that someone else's fall would also bring me and potentialy my son down with them. That's where I am right this minute.