And I feel like such a failure that I couldn't help anymore. But there is something inside him that causes the violence & the drug use & until he will deal with that...I can't do anymore.
How long have you been clean & sober??
Lynne
Sorry I did not reply to you sooner, I did not want to reply anymore after I had my say on that thread.
I won't tell you how to feel, ;-) but I can suggest that you not take on his behavior and let it become your feelings. Just as I am not able to control if
I die in an earthquake tomorrow, you aren't able to control his actions.
But I still love California.... Okay, different.... But you are about as capable of controlling him as I am controlling earthquakes... And I'm not about to feel responsible or guitly or worry etc. about earthquakes....
That's up to God and Mother Nature and the Earth..... I can do my part by taking care of myself, my own safety, in case of one, but that is about it.
I was addicted to meth and then Ice, and I have right over a year and a half clean. I've never been a problem with anything like I had with Ice before except an eating disorder. I had tried coke at a party once, weed of course, even tried Rock Cocaine with an X boyfriend and had no clue what I was doing until later, and I hated all of it. But the first time my friend tried to get me to try meth, it took her 3 days, no way in hell I was about to stick anything up my nose, but she had lost so much weight and she was so damn happy... So I tried it, I thought my eyeball was going to pop out and for 20 seconds I thought something was really wrong, within 40 seconds I was completely addicted. My DREAM drug come true...
From there on it was off and on for I don't even know 3, 4, maybe 5 years,
maybe not that long, there was long periods of that time I didn't do it.
I could never find it, and I never went looking for it. The last year or two, maybe year 1/2, my roommate intro'd me to a dealer (oh gawd)....
He was a hard core dealer, who'd deliver right to your door.
Pure Ice.... It was the only thing that helped w/my ADD. It was great, and I only did bumps. For a very long time, that stuff is so strong I barely spent
$40.00 a month.....
Then of course, all good things must come to an end, lol. By the time I found this place I had my suicide planned out, notes written. But I thought I'll give it one more try. I couldn't quit, but I couldn't live the way I was living any more. I stopped doing it the day I came here. Went to therapy, used this board a lot, and just found some hope again..
I NEVER thought I would be able to give it up, I still am not sure how I did.
I didn't even think I could when I came here, my rock bottom wasn't as low as some people's, I was suicidal, but as soon as you come down from meth you get suicidal. I still had my apt., a job, things were still okay...
I was sick of myself, sick of my mom being mad at me, sick of depending on my dealer, I wanted so bad to quit, but I didn't think that I could do it.
But I did.
And I will NEVER go back....... I know that for a fact... I've had many opportunities, even a bag in my hand..... Will not ever do that again...
Please don't feel like a failure, drugs are one of the most powerful things I have every dealt with in my life.... You feeling like a failure just gives
drugs all that more power. The worse you feel just mean drugs won again.
Don't let it win twice instead of once.....
lol, that was one long answer to how long have you been clean for eh...
We do recover though... I have four very good friends on the boards
who are also in recovery from meth, and are just as strong in there
recovery as I am.....
Gwen Marie would be one of them.... Same recovery day as myself!!
When I first was trying to learn about how to get off meth, I kept
reading over and over how low the odds of recovery for meth
addicts were..... I guess they aren't polling the right people
or something..... ;-)