I invested almost 20yrs in my marriage. When her addiction took over I couldn't let go. I was addicted to what the marriage used to be, and lost sight of what it become. I was living in a fantasy marriage instead of the reality.
There's a story i've heard in al-anon about a monkey and a candy. You build a small cage, with bars just barely big enough for a monkey to stick it's hand in. You chain the cage to a tree, and put a piece of candy inside the cage. A monkey comes by, slides it's hand in thru the bars of the little cage and grabs the candy in it's fist.
Problem is the monkey's fist is too big to slide back _out_ of the cage. The monkey will _not_ let go of the candy, and you can walk right up to the monkey and capture it. If the monkey would just let go of the candy it could slide it's hand out, but the monkey is so focused on the candy that it doesn't see the reality.
I was like the monkey. The addiction changed my marriage into a cage, and my own fantasy of what I wished the marriage to be became the candy I couldn't let go of. When al-anon and this forum helped open my mind to the reality of my marriage I was able to let go of the "candy". That was when I was able to let go and do what was best for my own sanity, and to stop enabling my ex-wife.
Mike
