i guess i understand how you feel, but what helped me since i couldn't trust that my ah to be honest, i chose to trust myself. i began to learn how to seperate my husband from his addiction. for me, it still did not excuse his addictive behavior nor did i want to accept it, it only helped me to have a little compassion but only after i found myself caring more about me and what i needed to do for me rather that what he was doing or not doing.
i think for me things began to get better for me when i chose to completely take the focus off my husband and whatever he was or was not doing. i think there are no rules set in stone for recovery, what work for some, may not work for others,
i ended up having to seperate from my husband, but because i understood that he may not have been totally doing what he wanted to do, and maybe was not intentionally tring to hurt me and our relationship, i chose not to divorce him, yet. i think that you have to do what is right or best for you, and i'm keeping you and your in my prayers