Hi KB, I'm sorry about your H's present situation. Just have faith that your HP
has him just where he wants him to be for this moment. Praying things work out for him and for you.
When my H 1st was arrested for probation violation for failing drug test, he knew he was on his last chance and his sentence would be activated. He had 3 previous chances (had been sent to 3 rehabs in lieu of sentence activation). He wasn't doing great in the beginning. The 2nd visit we went to there was snack/drink machines in the area. He told me that was the room they had Sunday church services in. I gave him a $10 bill so he could purchase drinks/snacks. He took it knowing he wasn't supposed to have it. He was searched at the end of visit and caught with it. He was sent to the "hole" for 10 days and couldn't make phone calls/have visitors for a while. Still, he was not showing signs of change/recovery. By Dec. last year, I couldn't stand taking his phone calls. It was always a "why do you not do this" conversation. Why don't you write me, why don't you visit more often, why why why. So I stopped taking phones calls, stopped writing, stopped visiting. He drove his family and me crazy with calling all the time. (even though I wouldn't answer)
Finally after a couple months, I talked to him, and listened to him, and am trying to be supportive. He seems to finally be getting it. He attends NA meetings, and all church services offered. He is making crafts now for all his family. They take newspapers and roll them into small strips and cut into 3 inch strips. They use and glue together. He has built a couple gazebos, a lighthouse, a jewelry box, a picture frame, and also a little log cabin for my son. After glued together, they use instant coffee to stain the paper. It looks like wood stain and that it was built with little sticks of wood. He says he can feel so much love in him now he's never felt. He uses that love to build us these things. You can see it's very tedious and time-consuming the amount of work that goes into each piece they make. I'm hopeful he is changing, I know there's no guarantee. But the difference is I'm getting stronger this time, and I won't live that way again. Sorta like you said earlier about not having "one more time of that life" left. I don't have one more time left. I love him but he'll have to go if he chooses that life again.
You are amazing. Being married to a prisoner isn't easy. You have to do everything alone. You have to raise the kids alone. And find time to visit/write them if you're willing. You do all that plus work on your recovery. Your story is an inspiration to me. I'm sure others who read it will be inspired too. Thanks again for sharing.