I have not been on in awhile...partly because I have had no contact for 3 mths with my addict and I still call him "mine" because I still miss him, the wierd thing is that I don't want him back, but I still wish to help him. In december 2006 he went to prison. We had our last show down in january..he is in prison and will be for the next 1 1/2 to 5 years so contact with him is not a issue, I have moved and he doesn't know my contact info etc. The problem is this, we were still talking despite the fact we had broken up. I felt it best to focus on ourselves because he put me through alot and he had alot of work to do on himself. We would talk about all the good times we had and how we wanted things to be and how I was the love of his life and the best thing that has ever happened to him and I told him I would help him if he helped himself blah, blah, blah. In january he began receiving mail from an ex (long story) he claimed she didn't matter to him among other things. I checked out right there and then. I wrote the letter telling him exactly how I felt about the situation in no uncertain terms, but that I wish to be friends with him when I was over him..for me that meant not wanting him anymore. I guess I felt like I was the one that went through all the bull**** with him, what purpose was she serving? My gut said something was going on. I didn't stick around to find out and I still do not know til this day if they are together. A month later I moved and mailed all his letters and correspondence to him in prison. I told him I was well and held no hard feelings and I don't. I wished him well and told him above all else be good to himself for whomever is in his life. So Easter comes and I mail a card that says, "I still think about you once in awhile and I hope you are okay" that was all it said. I wished I never sent that, the backlash from that went like this: he mailed the card to his mother who in turn emails me telling me he does not want to hear from me anymore..and to stop writing as its best for all..at that I laughed right out loud and told her so..from his mother? I mean he does not know my contact info but still, throw it away or something don't have your mother contact me. I'm ranting
My real question is first what do you think is going on?
And second I know I have things he needs..I wish their was some way I could send it annonymous. My help is pure I do not wish him to come back or anything of the sort, but he is so angry at me..the only one who gave a heck about him for a period there. I was the only one he could call who even cared what happened to him.
So should I send stuff to him that could potentially help or no?...my life is going so well since we split and I have so much positive things about life in general that I could share with him, but if he is mad with me it won't work will it? Its just a shame that help with nothing asked in return be wasted.
Now I will be honest here I do miss things about him, he embodied qualities I wish to find again minus the felon tendencies over his addiction
and finally cutting the strings was such a relief, I was truly able to better my life and situation and basically exhale..I am so grateful and thankful for everything. Maybe because of what I went through with him it allowed me to see the beauty in everyday things. I look back on the things that happened and I laugh because thank god I made it through that. Also because I treated him so well I like me better.
What do you guys think..am I silly, wasting my time, energy and love?