I have been going to counceling, but I admit I never make it to meetings. I know I should. It has been hard doing this basically alone. i didnt touch the pills yesterday, because I could see what a negative place they left me in. Wanting to do coke is something that wouldnt cross my mind with a clear head. The pills made me more depresed than I had been. Sure I felt numb for awhile, but I dont think that is what I want anymore. I was happier when I could feel the good stuff and the bad stuff. This morning like any addict would do I went straight to where I thought I hid them. I asked my roomate about them and he told me he took them while I was sleeping and disposed of them so I can consider them gone. i was mad at first but now I am relieved. The way they made me feel makes me really have to ask myself how I could be on them for so long in the first place. No wonder I started smoking crack. I dont like feeling so sluggish. I have to admit the day I took them was the first good nights sleep I have had in a long time.
So now I am back to day 2, but thats OK I didnt do crack and that is severly important cause I know with just one hit I would be off and running again. The bad thing is that i fell after 76 days. The great thing is that I was clean for 76 days. That is the longest clean time I ever had since I became an addict. I am not to thrilled with myself, but I am not going to beat myself up over this
Dissappointed, but OK,
Beth