sick of denial...sick or being sick and tired.
it was a good week..i believe he didnt use. we went with me to my therapist who is certified in addiction. Basically he told some of the truth...of course wasnt truthful about how much he has used, but what he did say was enough for the therapist to wonder why he doesnt think its a problem. SHe broght up how bad it is for the kids to be lievin g inthat kind of envirnment and wanted to know if he would or has ever been to NA or a 12-step or in-patient program He said never in a million years. Which i agree--he would never go...
he says he doesnt crave coke..he is not addicted..he knows what being addicted is (since he has used oxycontin and was physically addicted to it).
but he is not addicted to the coccaine.
anyway, we are supposed to go back in 2 weeks. (shes not there next week).
yesterday he had a party for me, a few friends came over. he got dpressed because he thought they were all looking at him like he is a drug addict. and because i wasnt "next to him" all night. He wanted to be alone downstaris..Fine, i went to bed..i didnt feel good anyway. so today, he was on the computer until around 1:00 and then fell aslpeep. he is still sleeping. the kids have no dad...it is sunday,...he should spend some time with them.
AND i also found some residue on the bathroom counter downstairs!! NO wonder why he is sleeping all day, he must ohav been up all night. so now, what do i do???? he again has broke his boundary, he again doesnt seemt ocare about brining it in the house...and here i am..i should be sleeping..im the one who doesnt feel well..and he is sleeping all day... his way of escaping...cocaine and then sleeping all day....this is not a marriage..this is not a life....i feel trapped..i need to work on myself and dont know whta to do first. do i get a better paying job??? (mine now doesnt pay much but it is a good environment to work in with no stress)...also, i find it hard to concentrate at work..could i even keep a harder job?? i am starting to mess up with this one. i need to go to meetings, i know that will help...what else can i do? i know that htings are not getting better..how long can i tolerate this? i want a better life...i dont deserve this....he is an adult and has made choices in his life..bad choices..he needs to own up tohis mistakes, and do something about them....but he just cant see how damageing his mistakes are. will he ever?