More useless banter about a boy below:
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So....apparently this shallow thing i've been obsessing over...has been stringing two girls along for a while - one of whom we work with. She had made a comment a few weeks ago that made me think she had a crush on him too, but I hadn't any idea for sure. All I thought was....she's so cute and slim and fun...that if he's not interested in her...then there's no way i'd ever have a chance.
All I had known of was the girl from out of state that I was told by another co-worker that he broke it off with. So anyway, apparently the thing with him and the other girl I work with has been going on for a while and words of love have been uttered from one or the other... and lots of nights spent together have been had. All under some sort of vail of secrecy he seems to have conviced her to go along with...and so it seems that she was in most ways his 'girlfriend' and yet he wouldn't allow many to know about it or for her to call him that....having something to do with the way he wants to be percieved or seen by the business world. Hogwash!!
He's a guy...
She was there...
She wanted to spend time with him and be near him...
Apparently she didn't mind his infrequent relationship w the out-of-state-girl..
Or rather she put up with it (more likely)...
So she became his "good for now girl"!!!!!!
Why is there even such a thing in our vocabulary!!!
--> I had thought the slogan at the top of his web page about having 2 girls at the same time...to be just typical macho mummblings; apparently, I was wrong and he was instead actually celebrating his dispicableness to the whole world!! <---
The part that I'm disquested about myself for....well....that my first impulse was to consule her and tell her i've been there and this guy doesn't deserve her. But no one has formally confirmed to me that this same guy i've been obsessing over...is her same guy. Ya...don't say it....I know, I know.
Some stupid part of me has fantasy idealiations that since:
First, he broke it off with the out-of-state girl
Second, he's apparently not trying to keep things together with this girl at work or else she wouldn't be so upset and wanting to rake him over the coals by calling him out on his dispicableness.
Third, that a dog can only be a dog in your life if you let him and that every man has been a dog at least once, at the very least.
Fourth, I dont' want to admit to thinking...
But, really....if I were to try to console her as I normally would do with any sweet girl I'm acquainted with....THEN what happens when she tells me..."oh yeah, btw, this crap head is -- in the office," ....and then...
(here's where the dispicable, non-reality based me comes into the picture...)
Then, my thoughts turned to....what if he has dumped both these 2 girls he's been gloating about....b/c he's realized he wants a woman who won't put up with his dogging ways and will tell him to go fly a kite off a cliff if he tries????
(my point being that in this "LaLa Land" i've created in my head....that when he starts showering me with flowers, nights on the town and proposals....then how could I ever face her?)
How pathetic am I now?
I realize that i'm totally living in my own fantasy world with this crazy line of thinking, but i also am so love starved that I can't afford to throw away even the tiniest piece of twine that might even remotely have a possible chance of getting me across the deep, never-ending canon that is the love void in my life.
I make myself sick. i'm so stinking needy that i'll take any old dog willing to share a small corner of his scrappy, moldy old bone with me for a few measly moments!
Someone just shoot me.