heather,
I think you are doing great. I am also working on detaching from my son and I do get caught up in his drama. Space from him helps. Waiting to respond and thinking things over. Just becoming aware of how we are enmeshed in their world is a HUGE step. As time goes on, you will make a habit of responding in the correct way. Of course there will be occasional lapses, but hey we are only human! We live and learn.
krhea