My ideas of forgivness changed.
Throughout my recovery. I learned that I couldn't change anyone,
but I can change myself.
The person that I was angery at the most at the time was my ex-wife.
She was 1600 miles away . Yet I carried all of the hurt and pain inside
of me. Then an elder knock me on the head,oneday.
" you can sit here all day and all night feeling bad and feeling sorry for
yourself...she's probably going out with some other guy and going to bed
with him too"
It took me a little while for that to sink in.
It was my feelings, my hurt, my pain. And i'm the only person that's
feeling it. So..how I'm I going to change that ???
Oh yeah...I can only change myself.......
So I forgive her for all that wrongs that she had done me
I forgive her..for myself so I don't have to carry that pain inside of me
anymore. And ya know....I felt good to release all of that.
So I continued...I made a list of all the people in my life that had
harmed me in anyways. It brought up memories of pain, but it was
okay...it brought it up and out of me to be release. I let go of
it. I burnt that piece of paper..it was gone, gone out of my life.
I trun it over to god.
I wasn't too spiritual. But i was told to clean house. i didn't really
understood it. I actually went home and started cleaning my
house. I gather up all the trash that I didn't want and put it into
the trash can and left it on the curb for the trashman to take it away.
I didn't worry or wonder too much where or what the trashman
did with the trash. It was completely out of my life and i forgot
about it, those trash.
Will...it was like a ahha moment for me. I simply had to do the
same thing with my thoughts and emotions. Stinking thoughts
and stinking feelings. I went through my house (me) and rid
myself of those trash. I truned it over (for-give) gave it to
God (trashman). Beats the hell out of me what god did with it.
Will...I didn't know god too will...mmm. i didn't know the trashman
either.lol
Oh will...nice to be living in a clean house.