Cinderella you’re breaking my heart girl…
life can be so cruel, at times. You deserve to have what you want. To have your family, to raise your kids, with the man you love. To take care of them together, share life with them, watch them grow…
And it sucks when our hearts desire seems…SO close… you can almost touch it with your fingertips. The temptation to reach out for it, just one more time, try just a little bit harder, to have it, can be so compelling . Letting go can seem crazy, when you KNOW, you could reach it with just a little …help.
I was there too… until my a DID choke me, almost to death, then punched me a few times, broke my jaw, knocked out a front tooth. That happened so quickly! I am still shocked to speak of it in terms of my life!
Sometimes now, sick as it sounds, I am almost grateful that he did that.
It was like he smashed the “Candy Coated Shell” I had covered our lives in, and the violent ugliness, that was always hovering under the surface, had no where to hide.
The reality was so harsh and painful, that it hurt to just to breath. But I was determined to heal because I never really had a choice, the choice was always his.
Having my family together, always seemed possible, tantalizingly close, but losing everything was just on the other side of that (very thin), coin. Drugs are risky business. Things can change SO quickly.
I admire you for having the strength to take the steps that you have taken. You are a great mom, I know in my heart that everything you decide to do, will be what you feel is the very BEST you can do for your little ones and yourself. I wish you much strength and courage.
JSM