Wow. This has been painful to read. My heart goes out to all the abused children on this thread. I am so sorry, BeginAgain, that you have had to go through what you have been through with this. I wish I knew what the answer was but of course I do not; I am just saddened for you and what you went through as a child, it's heartbreaking. I am reminded of something a friend of mine did, when his dad was on his death bed. He made a list, like of the things you shared above, such as burning down the house, etc, and he took that list and read it to his father, all the things that the man had done to him during his life, the child abuse, substance abuse, etc, in other words he confronted him about everything, just read it off like a laundry list. And he said it was tremendously healing for him. And I think it helped the father too, because at the end he asked my friend for a hug goodbye, which is something he had never done. It's so weird how when people feel guilty about things they have done they will do more bad things and make it worse. I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation, but I know you are entirely justified in cutting him off, based on what you have said.