Hi Marian
First I should say Welcome to SoberRecovery and sorry I'm so late in tuning in. By this time you know how many wonderful people are here to listen and support you and that's a good thing.
Anyway it sounds to me as though your son-in-law is right on in his thinking. He is totally right in asking your support but I also know how difficult it is to stand by and watch your child go down this painful path.
Recently, I spoke to my brother who had been involved with the 12 steps program for 22 years. I asked him how he finally did it and he said after facing two drunk driving cases and no one would help him anymore. My mom was a big co-dependant and while she was alive he was drinking all the time, and she was always helping, but not really!! She always made sure he was comfortable and was always preaching about AA. He said it was only after she passed away that he got sober.
So, I guess there is something to be said about HELPING without HELPING! If you know what I mean!!
I only wish I had been as smart as your son-in-law. If I had only faced the inevitable years ago, and not been so "helpful" perhaps my son would not be 44 years old and in prison!
I wish I had it to do over! I would be so tough! Well, I would try to be anyway.
Know you are all on the right track!
Hugs and prayers, Devastated