hi everybody
Hi Guys
I'm D. I'd really like to share my story - I can't seem to find something like this locally (I'm an Aussie)
I've been binge drinking for 15 years or so...I started as a Uni (college) student....I thought 'hey cool, I can hang out all day and just goof off and get wasted'...y'know typical stupid young guy stuff...
of course pretty soon that was most days, or nights anyway, and I began to enjoy drinking alone more than socially, mostly cos if I was sick or whatever no-one would know...I'd drink beer - 5 or 6 of the big bottles - what we call 'Tallies' or 'long necks' here in Aus - and 2-3 casks of wine a week (the big kind - about 4 or 5 litres, dunno how that compares in Imperial measures, sorry) and a lot of cigarettes and weed besides.
For years now, I've been binging til I get sick, feel like death, make the 'never again' promise, but then I recover and slowly but surely start to think things like "oh, I feel great now, so I guess I overreacted when I was sick", or "look at my friends, I don't drink that much at all" or the everpopular "I haven't drunk for x weeks - I can control my intake and just have a couple now"...
I've been reading a lots of the posts here. I am scared of never drinking again, I am scared of how my hard drinking buddies will take it, but I'm also scared of what I've already done to my body and mind and how things will surely end up if I don't stop.
Now I'm getting older the issue's getting more serious - apart from any organ damage I might have done, I have a physical disability and I've started falling about a bit, well a lot really - nothing serious so far but, because I live alone, everytime I have to think "gee, what would have happened if..."
I've always avoided AA and counsellors and things like that, partly because of my shame, but also because I have pretty severe communication difficulties...I use the net a lot...I'm hoping like heck that this forum might give the support I need...I don;t know why I didn't think of this before but I'm glad I did !
Sorry if this is long, but when you struggle everyday to make yourself understood, I LIVE TO TYPE !
D