I am sorry phazer. But if it hurts sober ..it is gonna hurt wasted too and even more after. I know easier said than done. But it's the truth. And especially at a time like that is not a time to drown in an addiction. It will only make it worse and possibly make you use more and more until who knows what.
You dont want that. You are too important. Always hold your head high. No matter how hard it may seem. Life hurts sometimes. It happens to the best of us. Thats just how it is. But dont add fuel to the fire. You will get through it. It may take time ..but all good things do. We are here for you.