Thanks to everyone, for your comments, I like hearing about all of your experiences!
I wasn’t asking whether, or not, partners *know* addiction, like addicts do,
(Although I personally believe, being addicted to an addict is the same exact thing, we chase them, they chase drugs…addiction is addiction, imho)…
It’s just been my experience, (and I have had, a boat load of alcoholics/addicts in my family of origin, and in my personal life…), that AA/NA programs are, in fact, alienating to partners, and encourages group loyalty at the expense of family. Drug Buddies had them, heart and soul, before, and now Recovery Buddies do. Whats the difference? (Besides the obvious.).
Who wants that kind of a relationship?
I realize everyone will say that recovering addicts must put recovery before everything/one, and that’s true enough, but statements like, ”she will never, ever, understand you, she is not one of us.”, goes a little too far, I think, and does nothing to foster closeness and understanding between couples.
I've seen too many partners stick around long enough, to see their a's fall in love with a Recovery Buddy, not to question the wisdom of staying in a relationship with someone you will "never understand".
I've been to anough AA meeting to see that, while some groups are a little more "Family Freindly", many are not, and some are down right...shall we say...Un-welcoming!