I know how you feel. But it does get better. I am finally able to somewhat move on after a year. I've known my ex for 31 years. And he meant everything to me that yours did to you. I have trouble with the acceptance part. Counseling does help. My counselor told me in the beginning that I could pray for his recovery & pray that he finds his way out of the darkness, but that I had to put him on the back burner & get on with my life. Easier said than done. But you will make it. A year ago I never thought I'd get this far.