Thank you all, as always for the support and replies.
I am pretty much aware that I am struggling with the acceptance piece. The loss of what I thought could be between us- all that we've talked about- all that we've planned... it just feels so terrible.
He was always the one I came to for support and strength.
Now he is unrecognizable.
I'm still very much engaged in wanting him to change. While I KNOW that nothing I say or do will make him want recovery ~ that HE must want it~ I still can't seem to FEEL that at the moment.